Feeling Better!

My boyfriend's birthday party went well and we ended up going to my uncle's funeral.  My poor hungover boyfriend had to spend his birthday at a funeral.  I am blessed with a wonderful significant other.  

My uncle was 57 which is the same age as my boyfriend's mom.  It saddens me that he passed away as such a young age.  I am worried about my dad.  It is apparent that my paternal side of the family has a laissez-faire attitude towards life.  I will never understand what he had to go through to give me a better life but as his daughter, I want him to live a long life.  

Last week, I attended an Orioles' game with my boyfriend's firm to celebrate the end of tax season :) I got a brutal sunburn on my nose and chesticle!  I am still currently peeling and have the weirdest tan on my cleavage;  it looks like a dirty streak in between my boobs. 

Both our offices were closed on Good Friday so we joined my boyfriend's mom in Georgetown for, wait for it, shopping.  I was overwhelmed with nostalgia because very had changed since I was a teenager.  We spent the rest of the weekend visiting people, hanging out with friends, and checking out the new Tanger outlets in the National Harbor.

I enjoyed every moment of last weekend because it was much needed for my sanity.

Anxiety is an Old Friend of Mine

I am so unbelievably stressed out.  There is so much going on at this point-in-time that I want to disappear. 

I found out late last night that my uncle had passed away, my boyfriend’s birthday is this weekend which means we are hosting a party, it is Cambodian New Year, and there is a technical issue at work that I have been appointed to resolve while filling in for the unreliable receptionist.  This is the third day I have had to cover the front office.  On average, I am expected to fill in for the receptionist once a week.

 Right now, I am on edge and trying really hard not to explode. 

When I my cousin contacted me last night about my uncle, she was being very authoritative.  She was telling me that the funeral will be this weekend.  I would like to point out that my uncle who had just passed is not her dad.  I asked my cousin, who seems to know everything, how a temple is going to have a funeral during Cambodian New Year?  She quickly changed her tone and said that she will call her mom in the morning to confirm the details.  I called my step-mom.  She and my dad were on the road to get to the hospital.  My dad is the sibling that organizes and coordinates everything amongst his siblings.  I guess that kind of burden is hereditary.  It is my understanding that my uncle was visiting Cambodia and became ill while he was there.  He had been there for a month.  The issue is that he was on a 24 hour plane ride at his weakest point.  I have so many mix emotions about this situation.  He should have been flown back earlier or waited until he was strong enough to fly.

Impulsiveness is a shared characteristic amongst Cambodians.  My impulsiveness occurs around make-up.  I love colors and the creativity behind it.

My boyfriend, rightfully so, is excited about this weekend.  I just feel bad that I don’t have the strength to put on a brave.  All I want to do is curl up into the fetal position and cry.  Most of his friends lack empathy.  Insecurities are their ammunition which is ironic since they aren’t doing particularly well.  The few that are doing well are the ones whose company I truly enjoy. 

As for work, it is always a mess.  Most of the time, the mess could have been prevented or mitigated in a more efficient manner but change is a frown upon in the office.  I wouldn’t care about the stress that comes with my job if I felt what I was doing was meaningful or satisfying.  My frustration comes from the fact that I have a college education and doing the job of and being compensated for a high school entry level position.  I don’t learn anything and feel that my tasks and responsibilities are menial. 

I can feel myself become lethargic so I had to put everything down into the words so I can process my feelings.  Now, I need a game plan.  I need to make a list of everything I need to do so I don’t get lost in my emotions. 

Anxiety is an old friend of mine, whom of which I do not want to see this weekend.

GIRLS

During the watchaton week, I binge watched the shit out of GIRLS with no regrets.  I was so obsessed, I started yelling at Hannah during the cotton swab scene.  I don't feel the same pleasure from cleaning my ears anymore.  I thought that it was so cool that Shoshanna name dropped the Sex in the City characters in season one.  It was an unofficial nod to the show for setting precedent.  While there will always be a soft spot for the original ladies of the big apple, the new GIRLS are here to stay and hopefully, for as many seasons.  

Tax Season

Last weekend, I was elated that my auditor boyfriend, Matt, had Saturday off.  We spent the day in D.C. with a close friend of ours, D.J., at Drink the District and then had a double dinner date with D.J. and his girlfriend, Anna, afterwards.  

Dating an auditor from January 2 to April 15 is emotionally taxing (hardy har har).  Our first tax season together was awful,  the second was bearable, and this is our third which felt like a breeze.  I guess spending my Saturday mornings cuddling with my cat, Priscilla, has helped.  

While at dinner, I learned how anxious some of the girlfriends in the group were about getting married and I, on the hand, who is currently upset with my boyfriend because he used my Paul Mitchell Lemon Sage Thickening Conditioner to jerk off in the shower this morning without asking, do not share the same sentiment.  Granted, I am turning 28 this year and I should feel the urges to settle down but the feeling comes in waves.  Sometimes I want to get married and most of the time I want to leave a footprint.  

I have been with my boyfriend for a significant amount of time - five years in June - I don't question that we aren't compatible.  We don't have anything in common and we are total opposite but we compliment each other.  I guess what I am trying to say with a bunch of relationship-y words is that I love him and he loves me.  I don't care if we get married or have kids.  I am happy and that is all that really matters.  

However, accumulating make-up and hanging out with my extremely annoying cat helps too.